my complete[ly] broken heart

Ok... so my life.
i live on the boundary line. I really like it here, my classes are challenging and sometimes i feel like i am missing something in class, and am confused, so you have to ask questions to the teacher in front of the entire class... and i don't know if i have ever told you this but i have always not liked asking questions in class.. i would rather search the entire book than doing so, maybe it's pride, it's not like i've ever been humilitated in class or anything, but i've had this complex. So now, we go around the class with our French homework and if i get an answer wrong, my teacher will explain why and ask me if i understand---of course i can't lie! even if it wanted to. But i am beginning to feel like it's less about what's in my peripherals and my goal is solely understanding, which has really put my pride aside.

And it's not even that other people always understand...it's a comical group, our class--made up of koreans, americans, a brit, a swede, a chinese, a columbian, and an italian. We spend 16 hours a week together, i'm beginning to feel fond of them, although i haven't hung out with any of them outside of class. We do a lot of excercises that ask what certain aspects of our culture is like, so not only am i learning things about France, but all of these other cultures! I really enjoy that.

There are so many times already on this trip that I've been level here, just going along on my day, and important people in my life have done something really great, just really overwhelmingly nice, and in that instand I will start crying, sobbing actually... I've never really been a crier or understood when people are always crying in movies and at little things, but this has been the firsts time in my life I am letting myself be affected by things..... at one moment it will be something that is missing inside of me, and later it will be that I am overwhelmed with love, though I am so far away from the people I care about most.

And i'm not worried about myself. i think this is psychologically the hardest thing i have ever done just because it's not a hurdle you jump over and you're done, but it's a continual displacement that I must work through every day on my own, but it is the best thing i have ever done for myself.

<3.