parlez vous francais?

i have 20 hours of class per week:

-12 hours of French language
-2 hours of phonetics
-French poetry
-Study of French Song
-French Rhythm and Intonation or Dialogue in French Cinema (I have not chosen yet)

I do not think I will be overloaded with homework because of all of the in-class time.

c'est une bonne journee

Well i finally met a friend.

I had to try though. I was sitting in the courtyard of University Aix-Marseilles and saw two girls sitting on a bench talking and I thought to myself.. huh, I think they are speaking in English and after already passing up one opportunity to make a friend, and really feeling like I need to make one, I went up to them and introduced myself. She's Canadienne (Toronto) and is truly an answer to prayer. She is kind of awesome. She seems to really have a passion for doing spontaneous things and wants to travel with me over breaks.

She also showed me a bookstore/coffee shop that has all books in English. It is English (as in British) in that it feels like i'm in Britain when I am inside and it is tres quaint, they serve good tea, have a coffee bar, sell croissants, baguettes, etc. and also have a board posted on the wall with all sorts of advertisements like "french girl, looking for an english speaking person for language sharing" and things of that sort that make me feel alive inside.

I am hoping my physical "home sickness" is over, although I am sure at times I will miss home, but that is life. I have decided that life is difficult, and that there are things in life that in order to experience you have to go through tribulative times and in the end it will make you stronger and help you get closer to real life, where danger is inevitable but the outcome is very rewarding. I hope I never choose security over experience.

I also learned that there are travel opportunities to various cities (mostly on the cote d'azur) every weekend! They are inexpensive and unbelievable--for example this weekend there is a daytrip to Monaco & Monte Carlo! I think the trip is full but I am going to try to get in it... i really want to go.

I also learned that in France there are only two sales a year--they are synchronized and all of the stores are having sales right now....so I better buy buy buy! Because everything is tres expensive!

TRAVELOGUE

I'm turning my blog into a travelogue:

It's funny how you go somewhere to "discover" something that is non-existant in your current state of being and end up getting something different out of it. What I am referring to is I thought I was going to find something magical about this European land and what I am learning is that although the French have a rich culture full of delicacies and delicious food, beautiful sights, etc, I am also learning to appreciate America for what it is. France is amazing because it's so purely French--it's particular customs, especially the focus on relationships and food (two things I am particularly fond of).

But America is free spirited... for some reason when I feel a little homesick I imagine a road trip and long highway road cascading into the sunset horizon during the summer months. Even though I do not go on that many road trips, there is a freeness associate with America, that the French associate with our liberties to take advantage of the world's resources and thinking we can impose on others. And while I understand this French perspective, it's hard when we as American's have been bread to think this, and have limited interaction with other countries because of our seclusion on our side of the globe. The Woman I live with, Madame Alloucherie is very excited about Obama becoming president because of the change for America and although I do not have any ideas on the subject, I hope he does what he has promised.

One thing so far that I have noticed about France is that everyone dresses so well. It's amazing, they dress magazine/paparazzi worthy. It's very strange for me becuase I consider myself fashion conscious, and fairly fashionable, but wow I am not used to having so much competition in the U.S....well unless I go to uptown in MPLS! It has become a sort of expectation to fit in here, which is a downside. If I see someone who dresses poorly I can usually tell they are American, which is sad but I guess I like being one of the few people in the U.S. that is fashionable. I'm not sure if I enjoy the competition. But I think (hopefully) I at least appear to be French before I start speaking :)

I have decided to start reading the Bible seriously. I will probably have time and feel it is necessary at this point. I am very excited about this endeavor. I need to become more passionate, I'm afraid I may have lost some tenacity over the recent months. I will return (figuratively) in no time.

I start classes tomorrow. I have 20 hours a week. 14 hrs of French language and 3 elective French education classes. I'm off friday-sunday. hopefully there will be a lot of little trips scheduled to keep me busy. I have realized that I am a person who needs to occupy herself with something mostly all of the time--this does not mean I have to be entertained by these things though. I could be fine reading books or writing letters.

Goal of tomorrow: Meet friends, so i can have a life in France.

simplicity

i have a new found desire to find simplicity: physical place or state of mind i am not entirely certain. i will not have a cell phone when i am abroad and hopefully will get acquainted with a quieter, more basic way of life, one which i take in simple pleasures once again and become less selfish. i'm not sure if it's because of minor letdowns that i've been facing or if i have just been wanting too much. but i want my childish desires back... in fact i would trade them in at any second to be able to rid myself of adult complexities and concern for where i am going, how i am going to get there, and if it is what i truely want. it's tiring, quite tiring and no matter how young i tell myself that I am I still feel as if i'll be too late.

mgmt

i'm putting myself through uplift therapy: getting reacquainted with positive emotion

1. being a girl, whatever that means
2. going back to disinterest in others' perceptions of me...(i used to be a lot more free and enjoyable to be around)
3. BEING ME. as in my own definition
4. i thought i used to express myself through dance?
5. one word, well one acronym: mgmt

that's all you need to know.

the third degree of separation

i've decided i don't like night. nothing good ever happens at night. despite my negatively seeming attitude, the majority of the time i am positive and content, but when darkness falls, it steals my soul along with it. today i was elated about france. i did a whole list of "to dos" and felt fulfilled, but as i've heard, female's well-being is to a large extent determined by the state of her relationships... it's true. i am a conflicted mess and it isn't due to internal issues, so i cannot mediate them which troubles me so. i feel largely that i'm fending for myself, more and more so every day.

...

on a better note:

i bought my plane ticket to

 aix-en-provence today.

c'est la vie!

So this is the new year...

and i don't feel any different. the clanking of crystal... alright. i do not really like new year's resolutions, i feel like people put off their goals until the time comes to make a "new year's resolution" and once it is worn out of conversation and january moves into february, it simply fades into the time of the season. i am usually always making goals, and reformulating them throughout the year. it works or me, well except lately when the world had been working against me, and mind you it is difficult for me to say this because I see myself relatively alligned with humanistic views in that in most occasions you can guide the way life takes you and work at things so that you can get to where you want to go, but lately my fear is becoming a more evident in that i am scared stiff, ok terrified of failure... comparable to man's fear of failure actually. I have many conflicting ideas about androgyny, especially because I have many characteristics that seem masculine in nature and oftentimes feel punished when I do exercise my feminine qualities because of the way in which people respond to me. Close relatives always flatter me in terms of my discipline and other characteristics, but for some reason I feel punished, as if this were my burden, while feeling very guilty for indulging in any human desire or expecting sympathy from anyone. i feel icy and as at any moment i might freeze into a permanent ice mold, and come to think of it i would look very much as i do now, skin pallid and lifeless, eyes iced over as an incoming tide full with sea foam coming to a slow halt, crystalized and transparent.