easy

sooo... i have been thinking about how easy it is to forget someone if you really want to. cutting someone off completely is really the best way to do it. cold turkey. i mean i obviously remember memories and a shared past, but really i feel different, i bet this person that i have forgotten has also changed. i don't remember the sound this blank person's voice and really it's hard for me to picture his face, i seriously cannot remember it. and i have no photos that remind me that it existed. i have no contact with this individual, i may never see this person again. and i trully don't feel anything. no sentiments, no longins, no wanting to talk with him. although somtimes i dream about him, but it isn't really him- it's the embodiment of his vague exterior. and when i wake up for a brief second annoyed that he was in my dream, i just think "well that was not him" he did not do what he would have done in the acutality of existence, it was an idea and anyone could have filled his place but it just so happened to be him. sometimes i want him in my bed with me, but it isn't him i want in my bed with me, it's the idea of what he represented. he gave me physical gratification and maybe it's just the truth that i liked that and that idea more than i liked him, and maybe towards the end i used that to keep him a little longer than i should have. it's that place i wanted filled.

so here it is, i settled. i lowered my standards for instant gratification.
i learned.

and now i'm in France and traveling the world!!!